Why Some People Win While Others Stay Stuck

Ever see someone succeed in the same tough spot where you struggle? They face the same problems but keep moving forward while you feel stuck.

Why does this happen?

Most of us waste our energy trying to change things we'll never control—what others think of us, past mistakes, or future outcomes. This leaves us tired, upset, and watching others get ahead while we stay in the same place.

The secret is knowing one simple boundary that successful people naturally understand.

Look at the image below:

It shows the line between what you can control and what you can't.

When you focus only on what you can actually change, problems that once stopped you become chances to grow and improve in 2025.

The Big Difference That Changes Everything

Have you noticed how some people move forward easily while others stay stuck despite trying hard?

I've coached both kinds of people, and the difference isn't about talent, luck, or what they have. It's about understanding this basic divide.

The outer circle in the diagram shows things beyond our control: what others think about us, how they behave, outcomes, the past, time, and outside events.

Many of us waste our energy trying to control these things we can't change. This useless fight leads to stress, worry, and being stuck—the opposite of what we want.

The inner circle shows what we can truly control: how we respond, our boundaries, our energy, attitude, self-talk, and how we treat others. When we focus here, something great happens—we find real growth and happiness.

How I Learned This Lesson

I learned this the hard way when I first started The Success Pod.

After creating what I thought was a perfect newsletter, I got some bad feedback from readers. For weeks, I obsessed over these negative comments, changing everything to try to please everyone.

The result? A watered-down message that nobody liked.

Things changed when I realized I was focusing on what others thought—something I couldn't control—instead of what I could: the quality of my writing, showing up consistently, and staying true to my purpose.

When I shifted my focus to these things, something amazing happened. My energy came back, my readers tripled in six months, and my work had more impact.

This simple shift between what I could and couldn't control changed both my business and my life, a principle similar to what James Allen described in his work on mastering your destiny.

I think about this every day.

What Successful People Know About Control

Viktor Frankl, who survived Nazi concentration camps, found this truth in the worst conditions imaginable.

Even when everything was taken from him—freedom, belongings, loved ones—he still had one freedom: to choose his attitude toward his situation.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation," Frankl wrote, "we are challenged to change ourselves."

This insight helped him survive and later make a huge difference in the world.

Similarly, Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and philosopher, wrote:

"You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

These aren't just old quotes—they're practical truths that successful people have used throughout history to build great lives.

The Freedom That Comes From Letting Go

When we stop trying to control what others think or how things turn out, something wonderful happens—we get back tons of mental and emotional energy.

It's like you've been running with heavy weights, and suddenly you're free.

This new energy can go toward real personal growth. The relief comes right away, but the benefits last a lifetime.

Think about your character versus your reputation.

Your reputation is what others think of you—you can't control it directly. Your character is built by your choices and actions—completely in your power to shape.

Which one should get more of your attention?

Three Simple Shifts You Can Make Today

1. Stop Trying To Control Others. Start Mastering Yourself

Instead of trying to control how others treat you (impossible), focus on how you treat them (completely in your power).

This one change can transform your relationships.

When you show respect regardless of how others act, you create room for real connection instead of wasting energy in pointless power struggles.

2. Stop Fighting Circumstances. Start Choosing How you Respond

Life will bring challenges—some small, others huge.

While we can't always control what happens, we always control how we respond.

This isn't about fake positivity; it's about understanding your power to shape your experience through thoughtful responses rather than knee-jerk reactions.

This one shift can turn a crisis into a chance for growth.

3. Stop Seeking External Approval. Start Following Internal Standards

Many people wear themselves out trying to get approval from others—something you can never fully achieve.

What if you used that energy differently?

Successful people know that living by your own values and meeting your own standards builds lasting confidence and integrity.

Your inner voice and self-talk are completely in your control, and making them positive has huge effects on your life.

The Greatest Freedom

What makes this mindset so powerful is that it gives you something precious: freedom.

When you truly understand what you can and cannot control, you break free from needless suffering and put your energy toward what really matters.

Adam Kreek, Olympic gold medalist, knows how this principle changed his athletic career:

"After seeing my medical scans, my doctor told me my rowing days were over. Nine years of training behind me, I was shocked."

What saved him was focusing only on what he could control—his recovery process, attitude, and daily actions—rather than the diagnosis or what others thought.

The most successful people know that real power isn't about controlling everything around you. It's about mastering what's inside you—your responses, attitudes, and actions.

This is where lasting growth happens.

What My Clients Have Discovered

"The frameworks Hakan provided for focusing on what I can control changed how I handle challenges. After eight weeks of his email coaching, I overcame my overthinking and finally made changes I'd been putting off for years. My confidence in making decisions grew dramatically, and I finally started the business I'd been dreaming about for years." —James L., Former Overthinker → Consistent Action-Taker

"Working with Hakan gave me real results in both my work and personal life. His method of shifting focus from external validation to internal standards helped me change my approach during a major career change. Within four months, I got a job with a $45K salary increase while also reducing my stress. The email format was perfect for processing these insights at my own pace." —Michael T., Strategic Director

What in your life are you trying to control that might be better to let go?

Which area within your control needs more of your attention today?

Take a moment to write down your answers—this simple exercise has helped many people in our community.

💡 If you're finding it hard to use these principles on your own, my email coaching program gives you space for deep reflection and personal guidance at your own pace. Many clients find the email format lets them process these powerful ideas more thoughtfully.

The Truth About Real Growth

True personal growth isn't about changing the world around you. It's about changing how you move through it, as I've explored in my article about powerful visuals that transform your mindset.

Focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you can't helps you avoid getting stuck and creates the conditions for real transformation.

The question isn't whether you have control—it's whether you're using it in the right places.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

What's something you're struggling with? And one area where you're going to shift your focus from what you can't control to what you can?

Reply to this email—I read every response.

Until next week,
Hakan - Founder, The Success Pod Newsletter